Ya'll know I can't stand you right?

*sigh* here we go.. Fast forward to...THE DATE.

Well.. Grey calls me and leaves me a message asking if I'd like to go to church together and then go out to eat after.

1. I know he saw all that alcohol that I had in my cart at the grocery store.
2. I know I told him I was going to a party
3. WTF I LOOK LIKE GOING TO CHURCH WITH HIM.. granted, that's prob a safe place to go on a date, but jeeeezus I just can't do it..for me, I just couldn't do that, maybe because God would know that I was really not feeling him..shoot I don't know, but I do know that wasn't the place to go on a date.

Then again, church dates could be cute, if you both have the same beliefs and there's no ulterior motive..but I digress.

Soooooooo when I finally get around to returning his call the next day, I inform him that I just can't do church but I'm willing to go eat. This is when I should have just turned my hungover arse over and went back to sleep and stayed that way, but NOOOOOOOOO I just had to be hungry, and nosy and wanna know wtf this dude wanted from lil ole me. I blame y'all.

So he says.......are u ready for this one...... before I tell you.. let it be known that I'm not the type of chick that has to go to an expensive arse spot the first date.. I'm not like that at all.. but when I told my friends where we went the laughter was beyond endless. I hate them too.

So he says ... "Let's meet at Bob Evans." (now the date was at noon, so this isn't like it was a night time date or anything and who wouldn't want some dried up eggs and cardboard tasting pancakes and french toast to ease the hangover woes?!)

Bob. Evans. Restaurant. Now the few times I have been there, there have been nothing but senior citizens in there but that's another story..

Now, I'm not the best at remembering faces, so when I walk in, I'm looking around for who I thought I had met the day before..a guy that is prob in his 40's, and remember, I still wasn't attracted to him.

The man that stands to greet me *whispers* looks like he went to school with my deddy n'em. This is gonna go fast so keep up..


Suede Vest.

MOM Jeans. (If you don't know what that is.. ask someone or look down at wtf you might be wearing)

Medical Alert Necklace. (Ok I'm prob exaggerating that one but it did look like my grandma's necklace)

Me: EXPRESSION IS PRICELESS. I have been catfished right in my own got dayum face *faints*

So, I'm not THAT much of a bish.. (and I'm sure many of you think I am one for writing this blog, but hell, this my ish and you ain't got to read it you know)..but I figure I gotta make the best of it and hell, he is a nice guy.. so far. After all, while we are clearly probably not compatible, there's nothing wrong with being friendly...right? RIGHT? RIGHTTTTT? *help a sista out and just agree with me!!*

So we order and have the most awkward one sided convo ..and why I texted my friend boy under the table I shall never know cuz his one text of "You know he was probably listening to 'I Be Strokin' on the way up there' had me bout to piss on myself. All I could think about was my grandma's warning that I didn't heed as usual. WHY WONT MEIK MEIK LISTEN?!!!!

So after we ate, I'm thinking good, I can get the hell outta here, cuz I really felt like I was sitting there eating with my deddy. I have a huge headache and I'm just hella uncomfortable. While I know you shouldn't worry about what other people think, I couldn't help but notice people staring and me feeling like they were talking and laughing at us. I tell him that we should go since the waitress probably wants the table for other guests...he stands up, looks around and says, nope..nobody else is waiting. GAAAWD.. JEEZUS HELP ME.....

My phone is being lit up at this point from friend boy and his jokes, and some other friends. I'm plotting my way outta there. Then finally I put my coat on..and he says.. do you like jazz.. NO. Do you like spoken word...NO.. look, I have ish to do.

So we walk out..he walks me to my car, telling me about his daughter who is probably closer to my age when I finally ask him how old he is.

*shakes head fast* nope. I don't wanna tell you.

NOPE.

NOPE.

YOU CANT MAKE ME TELL YOU.

But let's just say the age difference is too great for me. He's closer to my deddy's age, and he's in his early 60's.

****PAUSE. The only men that I'm willing to risk worms for as my friends say are well..that's none of your biznass but Jackie Jackson, Billy Dee Williams chileeeeeeee and ...well let's just say I need the man to not look like he is that age and not make me feel like they are my deddy*****

So we get to my car and the first thing out his mouth is the exact same ish my dad ALWAYS says.. "you need to keep this car cleaned, it's nice..... you need to shine them tires up...you blah blah blah blah"


******SCREEEEEECH******* WHAT IN THE HELL?!!!

Did my deddy send this man to torture me?! All I wanted was some breakfast ...not a mofo'n lecture on the fine art of putting armour all on your tires to make them shine. I've heard that lecture since I learned how to drive, so for this man to repeat this ish to me word for word as I have heard it from my deddy was my last f'n straw.


While some women want to find a man like their deddy to date.. I DONT WANNA DATE MINE! Or any man like him! Gawd, I'm staying in the house from now on.

So after ignoring his text messages, I finally told him that this just ain't gonna work. I can't do an age gap of that big, we have nothing in common. I wanna listen to 2 Chainz, and he wanna listen to Miles Davis. I wanna twerk and dance on a bar, he probably gonna need a hip replacement sooner rather than later, It just won't work. Not to mention he goes out of town every other week to "check on his house" and I didn't think anything of that until my deddy said, girl that man is probably married. *mouth hangs open* now that dayum after Valentine's Day ish makes sense!!!

Lesson Learned: Quit giving out my number, ESPECIALLY to men I'm NOT attracted to or remotely interested in, ask a person's age UP FRONT, and run from anyone that reminds me of my deddy. After all, I don't need two deddy's. I got one that has worked just fine for all of my life. thank yewww and amen. Y'all can quit treating me like this is a drama on television. Here is your part 2. :)

Until Later...
~Meik